


you and i (a preview)

by lestered



Series: tumblr prompts [2]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Closeted Character, Fluff, Getting Together, M/M, Secret Relationship, Teenagers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-09
Updated: 2019-09-09
Packaged: 2020-10-13 14:04:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20583707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lestered/pseuds/lestered
Summary: Phil just wants to know where they stand.





	you and i (a preview)

**Author's Note:**

> this is for the anon on tumblr who requested number 12, _we dated in high school but then you moved away but now you’re back in town_ from the cliche prompts list, which is actually the exact premise of a longer chaptered fic called you and i that i've been working on for a while! so, rather than writing a whole other fic with the same premise, i thought it might be cool to just post a finished excerpt, that can pretty much function as a standalone too, from my wip and see what the feedback is! hope you enjoy :)

**2007**

It’s not like going over to Dan’s house after school is ever very productive. 

They have homework to do. They both know that, and they always start out strong enough. They’ll shut the door and spread their books out on Dan’s bed and put on calming music and get to work while the knowledge of whatever they’ve learned that day is still relatively fresh in their minds. Their intentions are quite good. 

It’s just that there’s something about being sixteen and horny and sitting on a bed in an empty house with the guy you’re hooking up with who’s just as horny as you that makes it incredibly difficult to concentrate. Which means that books and papers always end up shoved to the side in favor of seeking out each other’s warm mouths and bodies and making the most of however much time they have until Dan’s mum comes home from work. 

Concentration is especially difficult on Fridays, when nothing needs to get done right away. Knowing they still have a full two more days to work if they waste away one afternoon leaves them itching to get at each other as soon as possible. But they still try, usually.

As it is right now, Dan’s not even pretending to work. He’s got his Gameboy out and he’s laying on his back, head propped up against a pillow, one leg bent and the other stretched all the way out so his foot’s right next to Phil’s open psychology textbook. The one that his brain is apparently refusing to focus on.

It’s difficult to concentrate this Friday. Just not for the usual reason. 

_ “You’re friends with Dan Howell, right?”  _ Keeps echoing around in his head. It shouldn’t be, he doesn’t want it to be. It’s just a short, stupid conversation from four hours ago with some girl he barely knows. But he can’t shake it out, can’t fill his brain with words from his psych textbook instead, because he can’t  _ fucking  _ read right now, because of what comes next.  _ “Do you know if he’s single?”  _

“You do know,” Dan’s voice startles him and his head snaps up. Dan’s still playing his game as he speaks, but he’s always been better at multitasking. “That you could’ve gotten my pants off by now if you skipped this whole ‘pretending to study’ phase of the afternoon, right?” 

Phil bites his lip and blinks at Dan a couple times before looking back down at his textbook. “I dunno what you mean, ‘m not pretending.” He mumbles.

“Yeah you are.” Dan’s socked foot nudges at his knee. “You’ve been staring at that same page for about 10 minutes and you haven’t made any notes.”

Phil’s shoulders slump and he feels his cheeks grow hot. Today’s a rare instance of him not being grateful for Dan’s perceptiveness. Right now it’s only making him feel stupid and exposed. He doesn’t say anything, and in his periphery he can see Dan set his Gameboy to the side and prop himself up on his elbows. 

“Seriously, what is it? You’ve been weird all afternoon. You barely said anything on the walk home and you didn’t even bother trying to check me out while I was getting changed.”

Phil looks up and only then does he notice that Dan’s not in his school clothes anymore. He’s changed into sweatpants and a t-shirt and he’s looking at Phil expectantly and Phil’s still in his uniform. Normally he changes right into something of Dan’s when they get to his house. Needless to say, today he’d been a bit out of it. He hasn’t even taken off his blazer. 

He shrugs and looks away again. “Sorry.” He mumbles, because he doesn’t know what else to say.

He hears Dan sigh softly and then he hears the bed creak and feels the mattress shifting and then there’s a solid warmth pressing up against his back and arms draped over his shoulders and lips pressed to the spot where his neck meets his shoulder. 

“It’s okay if you’re stressed.” Dan murmurs softly in between kisses. Phil feels his blazer sliding down his shoulders and he lifts his arms a bit so Dan can have an easier time tugging it the rest of the way off. “You don’t have to tell me what it’s about.” Dan manages to get his tie undone from behind and then he tugs Phil’s shirt to untuck it from his pants and it’s nice. It’s not sexual. It’s just… sweet. Sweet and gentle. Dan doesn’t seem turned on, and he’s not either. He’s too nervous.

“But you can if you want.” Dan tells him. “I’m like… here for you.”

His heart melts a little bit because Dan is always just so sincere. He cares a lot. In Phil’s experience, it’s not easy to find someone so genuine.

“You’re my boyfriend, right?” He blurts.

Dead silence and his eyes fly open when the reality of what he’s said catches up to him. Fuck. He fists one of his hands in Dan’s comforter and bites his lip so hard that his mouth begins to taste a bit coppery while he waits for Dan’s response. He fully expects him to freeze up behind him, but that doesn’t happen. Dan doesn’t actually do anything at all other than shift his position a bit.

“Um.” Dan breathes out a nervous-sounding laugh and rests his chin on Phil’s shoulder. “What?”

Phil’s still mentally kicking himself as he untangles from Dan’s embrace and turns around so they’re facing each other. He doesn’t think he’s ready to see the expression on Dan’s face, though, so he stares past him at the blank brown wall instead. 

“I just.” He feels a bit like he’s going to be sick so he pauses for a deep breath and swallows thickly and it doesn’t help at all. “I mean, I know we’ve never talked about what we are and I know nobody knows about us and I’m fine with that, but like… I just thought…” 

He sounds stupid and he knows it. If Dan was on the fence about them before, surely this isn’t doing anything in his favor. “We’re… together, right? Like, we’re a thing?”

“Phil.” Dan’s fingers brush lightly against his cheek and he finds the strength to finally look at him. His face is amused but there’s a distinct softness in his eyes. Phil’s sure that he looks as pathetic as he feels. But Dan just reaches out and takes both his hands and laces their fingers together and Phil feels like he could cry in relief. “Yeah, Phil. We’re a thing.” 

Dan says it like it’s the most obvious thing in the world and suddenly he feels a bit ridiculous for all his worrying. “Oh.” He nods dumbly, his eyes fixed on where their hands are resting in between them. “Um. Yeah. Alright, cool.”

“Yeah.” Dan lets go of his hands in favor of reaching for Phil’s face, angling him so that he’s looking at him again. Phil’s not been great with the eye contact today. “What brought that on all of a sudden? Like, why’d you go all angsty?”

Oh. Phil wants to look away again, but Dan’s holding him in place. He doesn’t want to tell him, though. It’ll make him sound jealous and desperate and insecure. “Nothing.” He lies. “It’s stupid.”

“No it’s not. You were all flustered. You wouldn’t get like that about something stupid.” Dan’s not going to let it go. Of course he’s not. 

“Alright.” He groans. “Fine.” He scoots forward then. If he’s gonna get vulnerable with Dan about just how insecure he really is, he at least wants to be close. Dan scoots forward too until their legs are tangled together. Dan’s not quite in his lap but he’s close. Which is fine for now. 

Dan leans forward and kisses him sweetly, reassuringly, and pulls back with an expectant look.

Phil sighs. “You know that girl Lucy, from geography?”

“Uh, no.” Dan replies without hesitation. 

Phil’s brow crinkles. “She sits diagonally in front of you?”

“Phil, I spend most of my time in that class thinking up lewd scenarios about you.” Dan informs him with a small eyeroll. “I don’t really give a shit who sits diagonally in front of me.”

“I— wha— you— Dan!” He sputters in disbelief, his voice hushed even though there’s no one else home to overhear them. Dan just laughs, his eyes crinkling, and he leans in again to kiss the shock off of Phil’s face. 

“I’m being honest.” He tells him, hands smoothing over Phil’s shoulders and down the length of his arms. “Okay, so there’s a girl called Lucy who sits diagonally in front of me in geography. What about her?” 

“She asked me about you after class today.” He really doesn’t want to go on and explain the whole thing. Maybe Dan will just catch on. 

He doesn’t. 

“She asked about me, as in…?”

Phil groans internally. “She asked me if you were single.”

Realization finally dawns on Dan’s face. “Ohhh.” He nods. His eyes search Phil’s expression for a moment. And then he smirks. 

Phil frowns. That smirk sparks something unpleasant in him. “What the hell are you smirking for?”

“Sorry, sorry.” Dan rearranges his expression into something a bit more serious, and then he shifts forward, closing the gap between them the rest of the way so he’s fully in Phil’s lap. Phil gives him a skeptical look but rests his hands on Dan’s sides anyway. 

“No, it’s really nothing.” Dan insists. His eyes are still a little amused as he reaches up to brush a bit of Phil’s fringe back from his forehead. “It’s just that I thought I was the jealous one.”

“Yeah.” Phil rolls his eyes a little. “Good one.” 

But Dan’s expression is serious. 

“Dan.” He laughs awkwardly. “How the hell are you supposed to be the jealous one? You have literally no one to be jealous of.”

“I do, actually.” Dan replies. His tone resembles that which preschool teachers use to explain simple concepts to toddlers. “You’re just really fucking oblivious and never pick up on it when someone’s flirting with you.”

“Uh, you’re imagining things. C’mere.” He tugs Dan forward by the front of his shirt, but Dan braces his hand on Phil’s chest to stop him before their lips meet. Phil pouts in protest. 

“Phil.” Dan deadpans. “You told me Emily Davidson brings two extra jaffa cakes to school every day to give to you at the beginning of your psychology class.”

“She knows I like them.” Phil replies easily, though he does understand Dan’s implication. “She’s just nice.”

“She’s allergic to oranges, which means she can’t even eat them, which means she gets them just for you. She’s trying to buy your affection with shitty packaged desserts.” 

“...Oh.” He’d never actually considered that. As far as Phil’s concerned, he’s just not really someone who gets flirted with. He ponders it for a minute, then shakes his head. “Well, whatever.” He tugs Dan forward again and this time Dan lets him, planting a heavy kiss on his lips. “You know you still don’t have to be jealous. I don’t want anyone else but you. You’re perfect.”

It’s Dan’s turn to snort. 

“Alright, you’re not perfect. But I like you a lot anyway.”

“You’re dumb.” Dan mumbles. “And cute. But mostly dumb.” He’s obviously trying to hide a smile. He drags his fingers lightly down Phil’s chest and Phil’s heart skips. “I’m still gonna be jealous though. Can’t help it. Even if you say you don’t want anyone else. Just like you’re jealous of Lucy What’s-Her-Face even though I literally don’t know who she is. And if I did, I wouldn’t be into her.”

“Alright.” Phil concedes. “That’s fair.” Then Dan’s kissing him again, hotter and heavier and Phil’s suddenly blanking on why he would ever doubt Dan’s attraction to him. 

He feels like he should probably say something else before they go any further, but all he manages is a strangled “mmph” as Dan licks into his mouth and that’s pretty much his cue that it’s time to give up trying to think coherently. 

Dan leans back abruptly so he’s laying back on the bed, pulling Phil along in such a way that he collapses rather ungracefully on top of him. Dan grunts at the impact and Phil lifts himself into a better position and kisses him apologetically and Dan’s hum lets him know he’s forgiven. They just haven’t quite mastered the art of seamlessly smooth and sexy foreplay. Knowing how long and gangly and uncoordinated they both are, Phil’s not getting his hopes up that they ever will. 

Not that it really matters. The only thing that matters is that it’s Dan.

He has to make a conscious effort to keep his cool. They haven’t been having sex for very long at all and most of the time it’s messy and frantic and that’s great. It matches how he usually feels on the inside. But he also likes this - likes being able to take his time, to listen to Dan and his little noises and the way he breathes, to press his lips to the pulse point on his neck and feel his heartbeat, to nuzzle and caress and whisper sweet things into his ear and to let himself appreciate that holy shit, this is real.

This is real. He really gets to have Dan like this. His best friend and favorite person in the world, with the most beautiful body and face and mind and heart and everything, who’s a million miles out of his league as far as Phil’s concerned. He really gets to hold him and touch him and kiss him and when he thinks about it too much it seems like it’s too good to be real. But Dan’s right here underneath him, clinging to him, kissing him back, making his heart ache with just how much he cares for him. 

Soon enough, their hands get to wandering and he’s got Dan’s shirt pushed about halfway up his stomach when the front door of his house slams shut. 

“Jesus!” The noise startles him right out of the hazy, dreamy state that he always finds himself in when he gets to kiss Dan for long enough. 

“It’s just Adrian.” Dan says hurriedly, grabbing the front of Phil’s shirt before he can pull away. 

“Yeah, shouldn’t we—“

“He won’t come in.” Dan insists. “He knows to stay the fuck out of my room.” 

“He could still hear—“

“We’ll be quiet, Phil, come on.” He leans up a bit, just enough to catch his mouth in a heated kiss and tug him back down. “Stop worrying so much? I’m trying to mess around with my boyfriend.”

Phil’s sure he could think of a handful of things to still be worried about, but Dan emphasizes the word  _ boyfriend  _ in such a way that Phil suddenly couldn’t give less of a shit if Dan’s brother hears them. 

(Well, okay, he definitely still gives a shit. He’ll just be very, very careful.) 

By the time they’re snuggled comfortably under Dan’s duvet later, tired and tangled together, Phil’s all but forgotten about the day’s angst and inner turmoil. Until Dan brings it up again. 

“What’d you tell her, by the way?” 

Phil’s busied himself with pressing tiny little kisses to Dan’s shoulder, so it takes him a second to register that he’s being spoken to. “Huh?” 

Dan lifts his head from its resting place in the crook of Phil’s neck. “That Lucy girl, when she asked if I was single, what’d you tell her?” 

“Oh, right.” It takes a moment for him to remember. The whole conversation had been a bit of a blur, honestly. “I think I said, uh, ‘He doesn’t have a girlfriend.’ So not even a lie, technically.” 

Dan smiles and his eyes shine with amusement and fondness. “Mm, wasn’t that clever of you?” He muses, resting his head back down and nudging his nose against Phil’s cheek until Phil turns his head for a kiss. 

Phil’s psychology textbook lies forgotten on the floor a few feet away from the bed. He still has work to get done, but that’s fine. He has days to do that and only a couple more hours to do this. This, he decides, is far more important. 

Dan kisses him again and hugs him closer and makes a small, soft noise that sends a rush of warmth through Phil’s entire body. 

Yeah. He’s gotten enough done for today. 

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading!
> 
> title from [you and i](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CAtwNK-9eIY) by lady gaga
> 
> remember this is just an excerpt of a longer wip, so please please feel free to give a lot of feedback here or on tumblr, you can find me at [@cloudtwentythree](https://cloudtwentythree.tumblr.com/)


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